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His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!” Getting drunk: Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: .50.For your terrible amusement, we amassed the thirty funniest Louis CK quotes ever: Thank you for the images above via Guyism, Alligator Sunglasses, and the Louis CK Quotes Facebook page.If you enjoyed these hilarious Louis CK quotes, be sure to see the most ridiculously bad tattoos and hilarious recreated childhood photos!Everybody knows the pressure of a first date: Searching for that perfect outfit. Dissecting each detail when it's over to check for mistakes.Dating can make even the most confident person lose his cool.Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. - Yasmine Bleeth If people waited to know each other before they were married, the world wouldn't be so grossly over-populated. Somerset Maugham Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money.

She swimmeth in her joy; she floateth on the tide of happiness.

Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.

Dating can often be frustrating, especially if someone has been holding that single card for a while, but the key to conquering that frustration is to find joy in everyday things, including movies.

If there’s a person on this planet funnier than Louis CK, we haven’t found them.

His aptitude for raunchy yet on-point observations combined with his love for making furious JO motions makes him the perfect comedian for the 21st century.